Friday, November 21, 2008


Friday Fragments?


On Monday, Mercede's teacher called me because she wondered why Mercede was saying "I'm going to go home and smoke cigarettes." over and over... Hmmmmmmmm WHY could that be????

What do you get when you cross some electrical cords, electrical tape, Styrofoam cooler and a thermostat?

I'm not sure, but I will let you know when ,MacGyver Child Husband gets done with it. As long as it doesn't end up like his project with the pvc piping, flashlights and mini cam.

Cheyenne probably feels negleted that I don't post about her much. But that is cause she is the "good" one. Except for 6 days out of each month.

The 18th was my son Christopher's 25th Birthday. I haven't seen him in over 2 1/2 years. He lives in Ohio with his birth mom. My girls and I miss him and need to make a road trip to see him.

Yesterday I stopped by the Pennies in My Pocket blog and bought $150 worth of certificates to some great restaurants for only $12 dollars. That sale ended yesterday and I almost missed it because I stopped by her blog so late. I've got to remember to hit this blog early everyday cause I'm going to be eating good the next two months :)
UPDATE: Sale on gift certificates now ends on Monday.

I lost three pounds last week, but then Child Husband brought home Krispie Creme donuts and I ate 5 of them in 12 hours.

Please don't tell my peeps at


Today, Friday, Mercede came home from school with this shirt, I think her teacher is trying to make a point!


I think tomorrow, I should get rid of my puking pumpkin. I don't think he will be with us by Thanksgiving. What do you think?


If your interested in doing a Friday Fragment, join Mrs 4444 at Half-past Kissing Time every Friday.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

What to do with Child Husband!

Yesterday I headed upstairs for a meeting. If you haven't read my blog long and are confused about the "upstairs" statement. Let me explain. I'm a Home Coordinator for an organization that provides supports to adults with disabilities. I also happen to be the live-in staff, which means I do overnights from Sunday to Thursday (I have Friday and Saturday nights off, as long as my weekend relief staff isn't on vacation). It is a large home, and my family and I live in the bottom and the individuals live upstairs. I have two staff at all times(during the day) that assist with the three people that live upstairs. Anywho, yesterday I was typing up some paperwork and had to run upstairs for a meeting. I told Child Husband not to let the kids near one section of our apartment, because I had the work laptop on the floor. I was in the meeting with my supervisor and a case manager from the regional center, when the phone rang upstairs. One of my staff answered it and handed it to me. Child husband was on the phone and says "I don't know who this lap top belongs to, but I just stepped on it and broke it." I hung up and sat there stunned and with tears brimming in my eye's. How was I going to pay for this lap top. The case manager asked me if I needed time to compose myself "I told her I didn't" But I did. I then ran down stairs, only to find out.......................

That it was a JOKE!

Oh yes.......... I was so mad at Child Husband. He told me he didn't realize I was in a meeting. I said "What part of "I got to run upstairs for a meeting" did you not get?"

Anywho, since this is my 100th post, really was my 101 post but I deleted one so it could be my 100th and I told you I was going to give away Child Husband.

Instead of having you comment to see who wins him. I have already done the honors of picking out someone whom I think he will be perfect for.

I have called this woman a "skank" and I was a little worried about the word, since I wasn't for sure about the meaning. I didn't want to be using a very fowl word, so I had to look "Skank" up.

I found this definition for it that fits her to a T.

Skank is a term for a person who may be repugnant for reasons of hygiene.

Yesterday on her blog she posted this post about her odor, she also must of guessed I was going to refer to this post, since she made it easier for you to access the descriptive events that lead up to her needing to carry Lysol in her purse

Today Skank Heather won George Clooney. Now, I know that NikkiCrumpet was afraid that if she didn't rig her contest by rubbing raw meat on the Skank Heather dog biscuit (confused? Then go here), that Skank Heather would stalk her and leave her "repugnant" imprints upon the lovely home of Mrs. Crumpet.

I do want to thank those of you who backed me up against the Evil Skank. Kari and Heathersister, you gave it your all and I thank you. Sometimes it may seem that evil prevails, but in the end The Good triump!

So Odorous, Skanky Heather, winner of my George Clooney photo, here is your prize from my 100th post giveaway.


Care Instruction: He likes to sleep til noon, eat only fried meat that comes out of a window, and perfers to sit or sleep on sofa at all times while in a home invironment. He likes to be watered frequently with Kool-ade, Gatorade and Pepsi. He perfers to spend all his wake hours playing War Of Warcraft and communicating with other tecno nerds. If he seems aggitated or bored, a broken TV, video camera or computor may be placed in front of him for short periods. If you are needing to distract him for longer periods, you may put an XBox, Playstation or Smart phone in from of him to modify. Please be sure to leave him a meat strainer, duct tape and a soder iron for these larger projects. Important to remember: He gets sick easily and you must have ready at all times a vocabulary of "Poor baby, what can I do to for you?" phrases available to assist him thru his "I'm so sick and can't take care of the kids" days:)

Sunday, November 16, 2008

My BAD Girl, Mercede

Remember this photo of Mercede from August, with the cigarette package she had found?

Well, Mercede has this thing for people in wheelchairs and also people on oxygen. She is drawn to them and always has to talk to them. I think she is a wheelchair magnet since I have always worked with people in wheelchairs. The oxygen thing, probably because she has been on it quite a few times.

Anywho, we were in Wal-Fart yesterday and an elderly lady in a motorized scooter and on oxygen, passes by us. Of course Mercede has to go up to her and ask her about her O2. The lady says "You know how I got on this oxygen? Smoking! Your not going to smoke are you?"

Course Mercede responds with, "Yeah, I'm going to SMOKE!"

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Would you rather.... (Hosted By Tattooed MiniVan Mamma)

Tattooed Mini Van Mama has let a bunch of us ask "Would you rather?" questions, and now we get to link up and answer them. Please DO NOT read this is you are easily grossed out or easily offended.

1. Kat wants to know: Would you rather eat a cockroach or a bull nut?

Those of you that have been reading my blog since July, know the answer to that....

Bull Nuts are tasty, to see my family(yes my kids also) eating them, go here

2. Brandy wonders: Would you rather not shower for a month or not brush your teeth for a month?

I go a month without brushing my teeth anyway, so that was easy ;)

3. April asks: Would you rather....have to have sex everyday for a year straight or go six months without it?

I could easily go 6 months without! But everyday, I would loose some weight. But this is about what I would rather do. So NO to sex.

4. Ashley wants to know all kinds of good stuff: Would you rather find true love or 1 million dollars?

Why a million dollars because then I could buy true love ;)

5. Would you rather always have to say everything on your mind or never speak again?

Anyone that knows me well, knows the answer to this. Cause having ADHD makes me say everything on my mind, pretty much.

6. Would you rather know it all or have it all?

Easy, if I knew it all, I would have it all. So know it all!

7. Katie wonders: Would you rather have extremely bad tourettes or uncontrollable orgasms?

Neither, because it would almost be the same.

8. Would you rather skip Christmas for a year or skip your birthday for a year?

Birthday for sure.

9. Heather asks: Would you rather be followed by a cloud of dust or a cloud of gnats?

Yikes, this is a hard one. I would say the gnats, cause you could kill them off, not sure how I would get rid of the dust.

10. Michelle wants to gross you out: Would you rather eat a toenail omelet or a hair sandwich?

Well, since I have already eaten hair in stuff, the hair sandwich. Mercede would really love that, since she has this pica thing with hair and fuss.

11. Would you rather lick the discharge from a cats eye or lick the dried spit from the corner of a teachers mouth?

Ok, this is very nasty. But the second one, I would take. It would even make it easier if it was a good looking male teacher ;)

12. Jennifer wants to know: Would you rather have dinner with the Obamas or go on a date wiith George Clooney?

Gee, I don't know, that is such a hard one. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Well George for sure.

13. and as an after thought she wanted to know...Would you rather be paralyzed or blind?

Neither, I don't want to answer this one as their are many in this world facing one of these disabilities and it just seems like something, I shouldn't comment on.

14. Jo-Jo said: Would you rather blog or sleep?

Blog of course.

15. G from Where's My Angels (that's me): Would you rather take a cheese grater to your sunburned back, or pour alcohol in a new hole in your toe:)

(I liked Tattooed Mini Van's answer, so I am taking it for my own)

Alcohol on my toe. But I'd take a swig first. And again after. Til the bottle was empty.

16. Yaya: Would you rather use the woods or a port-o-potty? (her hubby came up w/ that one!)

Porta Potty, cause I can't sqwat, I need something to sit on.

17. Jamie: Would you rather walk across hot coals or drive a nail through your foot?

Nail thru the foot would take less time to heal.

18. Magpie: Would you rather have city street water splash on your bare feet (ew ew ew) or lick a shovel from a horse barn?

Water splashed on my feet. I've had worst things splashed on my feet.

19. Heather: Would you rather join a charlie horse orgy or take ten four-year-olds on a field trip to some ancient Indian burial grounds? (Hit the charlie horse orgy link, read the post and my comment for explanation if you're wondering. So much work today!)

(Again, I liked Tatoos answer so I am keeping it as mine)

The 4 year olds. Cause you can't lock a charlie horse up in a cage.

20. AngieDe:Would you rather have to go pee ALL the time, or have to go pee really bad but never be able to go?

Again, anyone that knows me, knows the answer to this. Pee all the time, I do it anyway.

21. Would you rather drown in Coke or Pepsi?

Diet Pepsi, cause I don't want to get fatter doing it!! ha ha

22. Would you rather eat a bar of soap or drink a bottle of dish washing liquid?

We could ask Cheyenne about this one. She has eaten a bar of soap before. I asked her to wash her mouth out with soap after she said some bad words. Next thing I know she is eating it! lol I'm so with bar of soap.

23. Would you rather be stranded on an island alone or with someone you hate?

With someone I HATE, cause then I could always torture them for some entertainment.

24. Angela: Would you rather papercut your eyeball or step on a nail?

The eyeball one

25. Black Betty asks: Would you rather receive a golden shower or a roman shower?

I had to look one of them up and finding out the roman shower was puking, I have been puked on a million times by my kids, well, thinking about it, I have been peed on by my kids also. Now yes, they don't mean by your kids, but they are both equally nasty, so I will stay undecided.

26. Cyndy, a fellow Dysfunctional Mom wonders: Would you rather lick a frog or drink rusty water?

What, has not everyone licked a frog? Course it was fried at the time, but yum!

27. Live.Love.Eat asks a very thought provoking question: As a blogger, would you rather be famous like Dooce and too busy to really connect with bloggers, or not so famous and have connections?

Well that would be easy. If I could earn a living like Dooce does sitting on my rear blogging, then yep that would be it! (I could always have a second blog where I connected with people using another name)

28. Hula: Would you rather live without water or electricity?

You could't live with out water, you would DIE!

29. Captain: Would you rather shave your head with a cheese grater or be audited? (Hey the Cheese grater idea is mine! Actually it wasn't it was from an old episode of Saturday night live with Billy Crystal)

Cheese grater for sure.

30. Sassy: Would you rather drink a gallon of dirty hot dog water OR a shot glass of foot sweat?

I HATE both, but the hot dog water is the one I pick.

31. Would you rather loose your 4 front teeth after bouncing your head off a cement curb OR get a paper cut on your eye?


32. Would you rather have explosive diarrhea OR uncontrolled vomiting?

Either way it would be good.............I would loose weight :) Oh on second thoughts, the vomiting would ruin my teeth.

33. Drama Mama : Would you rather have a Permanent Yeast Infection or Permanent Hemorrhoids?

Not sure as I haven't had hemorrhoids before.

34. Ann asked : Would you rather be able to read your husband's mind? Or have him be able to read yours? (Good one!)

This is so easy. Him to read my mind. I can already read his. Most women can read men's minds (except Tattooed Mini Van Momma) cause their isn't much in them.

35. Toni asked: Would you rather suffer from incurable baldness, everywhere, or wolfman's disease, everywhere?


36. Would you rather share your house with a skunk or a porcupine?

I have always wanted a pet skunk. You can have their stink taken care of and have them as pets. But they are illegal to have in Missouri, or you bet I would have one. Aren't they so cute??

37. Betty asked: Would you rather eat opossum roadkill (thats been jacked up) or bambi.

Another easy one, bambi!

38.Tatooed Mini Van Mamma: Would you rather be able to say anything you want on your blog and risk offending people and/or losing readers or would you rather keep it edited?

Edit of course :) Saying anything I want gets me into trouble. Plus my parents read this blog.

JUST an FYI for those of you wondering how long I would let the dishes sit trying to get Child Husband to clean them up.......................

I finished up the dishes tonight :(

Friday, November 14, 2008


Friday Fragments?

My new bumper magnet must be working. It says "Sorry Officer, I thought you wanted to race" Because so far all the cops behind me haven't pulled me over. Even though I was speeding and also my tailight was out. I tried sticking my hand out the window and making handsigns, even though I can't remember which driving siganl means I am turning right. So I just tried to finger spell it in ASL.


My father finally worked up the courage to post a comment on my blog. His ID was Skifeet (don't ask). Now after all these months of lurkdom, I wonder if I can persuade him to open his own blog he can post his own naked pictures

I got into my only pair of jeans again. Yes, I had a HUGE muffin top, but that is beside the point. Tomorrow I start a one week adventure of going vegetarian. Child Husband is fixing my favorite meat dish as we speak, the jerk!

I've had no calls about Mercede's bad behavior at school this week. But maybe that is cause they are sending it home on notes now.

NikkiCrumpet is giving away a Fab signed George Clooney photo, unfortunately skank Heather is trying to undermind me by paying or threatning others to comment on her behalf. Feel free to go over and tell Nikki how I deserve George each comment on my behalf, will earn 100 dollars
Tomorrow, I'm going to have to put on the gloves and do those dishes :(

Join in Friday Fragments with Mrs.4444 here

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Mercede, Mercede, Mercede (said to the tune of Marsha, Marsha, Marsha)

Why do you feel the need to put on your coat and back pack over your pajama's, while watching TV?


And why do you insist on wearing shoes that are over three years old?


Aysha, why won't you wear clothes in the house? And why are you laying under the cushion of that NASTY, UGLY sofa, your father picked up off the curb of a neighbors home ?


Child husband, please do the dishes! I decided I will not do them. I did fill the water for you (added half beach since I know your allergic to it). I'm going to add more bleach everyday til you do them!


Saturday, November 8, 2008

Deep thoughts

Ok, I'm lying to you. No deep thoughts at all. Heck, not even sure I have a thought process anymore, it is gone, in a black hole.

I worked 101 hours this week, yes in one week, yes it is possible. Not possible to keep your sanity though. I haven't read but maybe two post this week, all I had time for. I only checked my email every 3 days and then didn't check much of it.

I had staffing issues and health issues come up at work, which affected how much I had to work. I slept very little. I'm getting ready to do a shift that starts at 1030pm and will end sometime tomorrow evening.

My kids are with my parents (I love my parents) and my husband is NOW at work, though he was home ALL week and didn't do one dish. I worked my butt off and he couldn't do a lousy dish. Cause he didn't feel like it. I'm almost at a 100 post, should I have a giveaway involving Child Husband?? Would any of you comment if I did? Or would you be afraid to win him.

Now off to do a WEEKS worth of dishes and will also be leaving a note for my child husband to tell him that Santa ain't leaving him any gifts this year!