Tuesday, November 18, 2008

What to do with Child Husband!



Yesterday I headed upstairs for a meeting. If you haven't read my blog long and are confused about the "upstairs" statement. Let me explain. I'm a Home Coordinator for an organization that provides supports to adults with disabilities. I also happen to be the live-in staff, which means I do overnights from Sunday to Thursday (I have Friday and Saturday nights off, as long as my weekend relief staff isn't on vacation). It is a large home, and my family and I live in the bottom and the individuals live upstairs. I have two staff at all times(during the day) that assist with the three people that live upstairs. Anywho, yesterday I was typing up some paperwork and had to run upstairs for a meeting. I told Child Husband not to let the kids near one section of our apartment, because I had the work laptop on the floor. I was in the meeting with my supervisor and a case manager from the regional center, when the phone rang upstairs. One of my staff answered it and handed it to me. Child husband was on the phone and says "I don't know who this lap top belongs to, but I just stepped on it and broke it." I hung up and sat there stunned and with tears brimming in my eye's. How was I going to pay for this lap top. The case manager asked me if I needed time to compose myself "I told her I didn't" But I did. I then ran down stairs, only to find out.......................










That it was a JOKE!



Oh yes.......... I was so mad at Child Husband. He told me he didn't realize I was in a meeting. I said "What part of "I got to run upstairs for a meeting" did you not get?"


Anywho, since this is my 100th post, really was my 101 post but I deleted one so it could be my 100th and I told you I was going to give away Child Husband.

Instead of having you comment to see who wins him. I have already done the honors of picking out someone whom I think he will be perfect for.


I have called this woman a "skank" and I was a little worried about the word, since I wasn't for sure about the meaning. I didn't want to be using a very fowl word, so I had to look "Skank" up.

I found this definition for it that fits her to a T.


Skank is a term for a person who may be repugnant for reasons of hygiene.


Yesterday on her blog she posted this post about her odor, she also must of guessed I was going to refer to this post, since she made it easier for you to access the descriptive events that lead up to her needing to carry Lysol in her purse

Today Skank Heather won George Clooney. Now, I know that NikkiCrumpet was afraid that if she didn't rig her contest by rubbing raw meat on the Skank Heather dog biscuit (confused? Then go here), that Skank Heather would stalk her and leave her "repugnant" imprints upon the lovely home of Mrs. Crumpet.

I do want to thank those of you who backed me up against the Evil Skank. Kari and Heathersister, you gave it your all and I thank you. Sometimes it may seem that evil prevails, but in the end The Good triump!

So Odorous, Skanky Heather, winner of my George Clooney photo, here is your prize from my 100th post giveaway.

Photobucket



Care Instruction: He likes to sleep til noon, eat only fried meat that comes out of a window, and perfers to sit or sleep on sofa at all times while in a home invironment. He likes to be watered frequently with Kool-ade, Gatorade and Pepsi. He perfers to spend all his wake hours playing War Of Warcraft and communicating with other tecno nerds. If he seems aggitated or bored, a broken TV, video camera or computor may be placed in front of him for short periods. If you are needing to distract him for longer periods, you may put an XBox, Playstation or Smart phone in from of him to modify. Please be sure to leave him a meat strainer, duct tape and a soder iron for these larger projects. Important to remember: He gets sick easily and you must have ready at all times a vocabulary of "Poor baby, what can I do to for you?" phrases available to assist him thru his "I'm so sick and can't take care of the kids" days:)

32 comments:

Jennifer P. said...

Oh. my. goodness! Does Child Husband read the blog? I can only imagine his reaction :)! He's no Alan Rickman, but I don't know that I'd give him away...ha! ha! ha!

Happy 100th post!!!

Chrystal said...

Freakin' hilarious! And that link to the funking. Thank you. I sooo needed that.

Heather said...

Well, thank you SO very much.

Unfortunately, I cannot accept your kind, kind award, as I feel I would be taking too much away from you and depriving you in this, your hour of George Clooney need.

So, you keep yours, I'll keep mine, and never the twain shall meet, mmmkay?

:D

Totally ROFLMAO here!!! Hee!!!!!

heathersister said...

OMG, I am LMAO. I have spit my breakfast all over my computer screen and almost choked on it.

I can't believe Heather won't even take her prize, not even for a week, come on. What is up with that.

WheresMyAngels said...

Cause on the inside, she is really a LOSER!!! lol

Natalie said...

Um...congrats to the winner??? :-/


I'm so glad the lap top wasn't really broken.

(I'm scared to click on those links, lol.)

Happy 100th!

Tara said...

LMAO!! Thanks for making my morning!

The G Fam said...

LOL! You crack me up! I love the husband instructions!

The G Fam said...

P.S. Happy 100!!!!(I'm hitting it soon, I think I am at 84 or something!!)

sassy stephanie said...

Oh man. That is so funny. Think I could throw a 3 yr old boy in there?

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Happy 100 :)

i can't believe Heather's going to let this opportunity pass her by.

And BAD child husband, bad bad bad child husband!!!

Scott said...

LMAO!! When I started reading this I thought oh my gosh! cause I was there when you went upstairs. So, I knew you REALLY had said that!! That was bad!!

Congrat's on your 100th post!

JennyH said...

You are too funny!! Happy 100th.

Glad the laptop wasn't really broken!! that would have been freaking me out!

Melodie said...

At least Child Husband is a tax deduction for you, right?

The Stiletto Mom said...

This? I genius. I had been wondering how to pawn my child groom off as well...I love that you have packaged yours with care instructions. :)

Zen Ventures said...

HA! Can I do the same for my child husband on my 100th posts w/o infringement of copyright idea? so funny!

American in Norway said...

I would kick his &#%¤"%& A¤¤... little %#&¤%###&& ....

IT WAS ONLY A JOKE?! Send him over here, I will smack him around for you...

april kennedy said...

OMGosh...that was hilarious! Happy 100th {or 101th} post!

The Boss Lady said...

Honey, unless he falls asleep WHILE YOU'RE TALKING (like mid-sentence)...I still win. But I feel your pain.

Happy 100th, by the way!

Yaya said...

She wins George Clooney and your husband?! Lucky girl! Or do they cancel each other out? (Just kidding!)

Lynette said...

WOW this is one contest I'm glad I didn't win;) LOL

I would have KILLED him if he played that joke on me...that's all I can say, haha

Mia hat eins mehr said...

Dear Gayla, thanks for stopping by at Mias site and your kind words. Your site looks great, it needs some time to read everything ;-) If you don`t mind I `ll put a link on Mias site.

Kat said...

Hi there! I saw your comment over on Lizzie's about having no idea who this Kat character is - but that at some point you might say hi. I decided to head you off at the pass. And I picked a plum day to come by. I'd like to sweetin your prize package. And include two lovely, precocious kittens. That like to eat shoes. And foam. And have intestinal blockages. To the tune of $1200 in vet bills. The husband and the kitties make a great combo. And difficult to turn down.

christie said...

Wow, I'm sure Skank Heather is in heaven right now.
This post is awesome!
Happy 100th!

Casey's trio said...

Did child-husband get grounded? Or maybe have his allowance taken away? Kidding:)

Robin said...

I read this yesterday and thought "oh no, what a mean thing to do" then my night last night happened. Long story short, our toilet overflowed, no one was home, I got home first, it ran into basement, husband keeps office down there, and when he came home, it became my fault!! I cried, went to bed early, and didn't speak to him until he apologized.
Can my husband go with your's as the prize?

Rhea said...

Damn, I didn't know we could give away husbands! I'm in. I've got one for sell...

heathersister said...

One more day and the excitement will die down, (after I see the movie at least three times). I am trying to find other (vampire) books to read and I will start doing posts on my husband and job!!! K? K. Hang in there baby.

Keeper of the Skies Wife said...

Holy crap this was HILARIOUS!!!!

Diamond said...

Ok, Child Husband is lucky you didn't beat him WITH the laptop! I couldn't stop laughing through this whole post! lol!

Kristi Smith said...

Oh that is even funnier.

I had to read this outloud to MAtt!!!

Kelsey said...

How come skank Heather gets everything?! And now she wont even accept him! I call for a redraw here of child husband, although I don't think I can take care of him like the instructions direct. That and he's probably a good 20 years older than me....